Some days, I wish I had a baby. Be on my mommy shit, taking care of another human being while experiencing all the wonderful things that comes with motherhood.
Then…
Some days, I wish I could be a free spirit. Free as the wind and go where ever my soul is led to go. Fuck a job, bills, and all that other shit. Just be a bum and live outta my car. Go on impromptu road trip adventures and see the country.
I want to be married, some days. Be a whole wife and play house and shit.
Then…
But other days? I just wanna continue being free as bird. Not having anyone to answer to is great. No bullshit worries that come with being with a man, not having to please his ass, have sex with him, cook for him, or catering to his needs is a lovely thing. Just me. I cater to me only. I please me only. Selfish? I don’t know Hell no. I’m chillin’. If I know I’m not ready to share my world with a mate, then I won’t. I’ll enjoy my freedom for now.
Some days, I just want a guy to come over, so I can lay on his lap and he play in my hair while watching “Love Jones” and drinking white wine.
Also…
I wish I had a male friend who would make me laugh while walking through the park, drinking slushies.
Or…
I would like a guy to play cards with, talk shit while eating turkey burger sliders and sweet potato fries. Don’t forget the beer.
Why do these things seem like a fantasy? As if I’ve been watching too many rom-coms or chick-flicks. I don’t care. It’s nice to dream. At least the universe knows now, it’s out there.
Some days, I want to quit my career as a teacher and do something else. I don’t know what that something else is yet though. Being a teacher is stressful at times, with too many fuckin’ demands, and expectations. It tiring saying the same thing over and over and over again. I be drained AF.
Plus,
Some days, I say nah…I’ma stick it out and ride this education thing till the wheels fall off (aka retirement). Push through grad school and become a Ed. Diagnostician.
Lastly,
I wish I had the motivation to lose 90 of the 260 lbs of body fat I carry around everyday. I don’t know why I don’t get moving.
These are the things I want, depending on my mood or which day you ask me. I’m entitled to want whatever…even though sometimes I feel guilty for not being happy for what I have. I am grateful, no doubt. Life has been good to me, but something is missing.
Peace + Love,
Shan
loveshanglam.com 