It seems every time I get some down time, I began to reflect and go inward. It is December 25th. Christmas. I had an intention for this post, but as soon as my fingers touch the home row keys on the keyboard, that intention somehow disappeared from my brain. This post has nothing to do with the holidays, I do know that for sure. Now I am sitting here wondering where is this going. I know I had the urge to write. I tend to have this urge around this time of year as it comes to a close. I get into a self-reflection zone and I spill it on paper or my blog. I don’t want to overthink this post. I guess I just need to sort out my feelings.
This year has been (and still is) a crazy ass emotional and mental roller coaster. I’m not about to do a 2020 summary/wrap-up of all the shit that has gone down. However, I can say that I am glad to be here. I am blessed to writing this post. I have an abundant of things to be grateful for, it’s too much to name. God is still doing amazing things in my life and I just wanna walk the path he has laid out for me.
Today, I am at home wandering around the apartment, and wondering about many things in my mind. What my future holds, my present, the legacy I want to leave when I die, the food I’m supposed to be cooking now, the blessings in my life, my current mental and emotional state…just a plethora of things. One of the things that I’ve concluded today is that I am bored with my life. #BOREDAF! I need a freakin’ hobby or something that I enjoy doing, that takes my mind off of whatever is troubling me. I need an escape from the everyday grind. Teaching this year, while in a pandemic, has been the shits and I’m sooooo over it. Let me off this ride! (that’s another blog post for another day). While I’m grateful to be employed, I need an activity to take my mind away from the stress of the job.
I’m going to dedicate 2021 to tapping into my talents and skills. I want to focus on what brings me joy and happiness. I feel I am wasting my potential. I know who I am as a person, and I know my worth, but something is nudging at me. That “something” is untapped creativity that I haven’t fully explored (yet). I’m a Pisces. We are the most creative beings in the astrological universe, so it’s there. Why TF am I not creating shit??? I have wondered about this before and I cannot figure it out. I know I’m a good writer. It is a creative outlet, and I love how I can fully express myself with freedom.
In 2021 this has to change. Life is short, I don’t have time. The world could end tomorrow. We are already in our last days. So yeah, I need to use whatever gift(s) God has given me and make it my life’s work. This is bigger than finding a hobby. My creative work I feel is going to help and heal people in some sort of way. How? That remains to be seen. My life will forever be changed. Let me get to manifesting this thing.
To be continued………
Love + Light,
Shanda Nikelle
loveshanglam.com 