Four Self-Discoveries I’ve Made in my Forties

First off, let me say that I embraced turning 40. I didn’t have some crazy ass meltdown, and I didn’t tell people I was 39 for three years in a row. At 41 now, my life is moving in a very different direction. Two years ago, I would not have predicted I would be here. I’m doing an 180 degree career change, and I’m in a cohabitative relationship for the first time ever (another post for another day).

I have always been a step behind as far as life experiences go. Some of the things people have done in their 20’s and 30’s, I’m still experiencing. But it’s the journey, not a race. I don’t compare it. I live this life as it is given to me.

I must say that being 41, there is a different mindset that comes with it. It’s just beautiful, truthful and liberating. I now understand that God leads us down our individual paths for a reason. He knows what we need and who we need in our lives.

What I have discovered about myself in the last year and a half is that:

  1. I love me more than I ever have. There hasn’t been a time in my life that I ever embraced my imperfect body. The flaws are just what makes me and I’m so cool with that.
  2. I don’t feel the need to live by some one else’s rules or expectations. I did that already…and it sucked. Thank God for growth right? Now, I’m like, I only have one life, why spend it playing by someone else’s rules? I have a little bit of a free-spirit in me that is dying to explore what the world has to offer.
  3. My level of unbothered-ness is at an all time high. Being a Pisces, I was never bothered by a whole lot anyway, but now, I just refused to entertain any type of foolishness that will cause my blood pressure to rise up higher than it already is. This is not to say I don’t get upset, don’t care or get stressed out about anything, because life can be bitch. I don’t get affected by people’s issues or participate in anyone’s ‘shit show’. Hell, I have my own. I refuse to feed people’s insecurities or inadequacies. I’m not here for that. I will encourage and uplift, but the rest of that mess, miss me with it. I just don’t have the energy.
  4. I realized that I have more patience than I thought I would have at this stage. When I say I have patience, I mean I have patience those who need it (i.e. children, elderly). Patience is still on 0 with bullshit of any kind though. I always thought my patience would be shorter than an ant as I got older. Not the case. I don’t know if it’s my maternal instinct that is working through me or because my baby boomer parents are now ‘up in age’. They rely on me for certain things now, and it’s a very different experience. Also working with children has its moments, I now find myself slowing and calming down my mind, when I feel frustration slowly rising.

I know this list is a work in progress and will grow. As I experience some temporary, transitional career growing pains right now, I still see my forties as magical. I haven’t “arrived” nor do I have it all figured out, by any stretch of the imagination. I just know what I want and I am more self-assured than I was in my thirties. I feel like my 40’s is that space between living in the moment and realizing I am getting old(er) and knowing that retirement is not that far away. *insert scary face*

I now know that I am in no way shape or form obligated to be who I was. I can re-invent myself at any given time without any explanation to anyone. Because it’s not their journey. I am always a work in progress, striving to live with intention and live a life of abundance.

Peace & Blessings,

Shan.

There’s No Place like a New Home

This is my first post in long time AND my first post on WordPress. Change has always been good to me. I’ve been going back and forth with the idea of switching from Blogger to WordPress and today, I felt like I needed to just do it. I have some sprucing up to do of course, and over time, like any blog will grow and evolve.

This summer has been a busy one. I’m still on track to my new teaching career and it’s…progressing. I have many more hurdles to jump before I claim my first classroom. Although frustrating at times, I just have to be patient and trust the process. But so far, I’ve learned a lot. Not only about teaching, but about myself.

God is really doing a work in me. My wings are growing more and more everyday, since I have taken this leap of faith. I discovered I am more compassionate, and have a desire to educate children with disabilities. It’ll definitely be a challenge but it is one that I have accepted. I have a lot of love to share. Maybe in some way, not having any children is has impacted my desire to teach. Maybe my unused, maternal instincts are steering me in this direction. I’ve always wanted kids, and could not understand why God didn’t have motherhood planned for me. As it turns out, I will eventually have some! They’ll be my students but I know I will care for them as if they are my own. My prayer to have kids will be answered. Isn’t if funny how things always have a way of working out, one way or another? Crazy.

Shan